Names withheld to protect the innocent! 
- It's the first week of July, and new interns are working in the ER. During rounds, the attending states to send the COPD patient home with a prescription for steroids. The intern seeing the patient discharges the patient, only to have the patient return the next day. The patient states that the pharmacy would not fill his prescription. Upon closer examiniation, the signed prescription simply stated "steroids."
It's the last night of call at University. Jorge in the house, nothing's getting through The Wall. To celebrate the end of the month, throw down card game happening in the 2nd floor call room. What should we play for?...
"We could play for needles." anonymous fellow .
PAUL VS NICOLE 1ST ANNUAL MEDICINE PICNIC EATING CONTEST
The Bet: Paul bragging he could eat twice as much as Nicole.
The Stakes: Glory!!
Bring it! Round 1: soggy tacos, no lettuce. Nicole 6, Maddox 8
Round 2: Popeyes spicy chicken, cold and dry, picked Clean. Nicole 2, Paul 3.
Round 3: Maddox FORFEITS
Round 4: Paul YAKS at home alone
After smelling bowel movement of death on floor of UH, Dr. Ali responds,
"Holy Matrimony, I thought it was me. Wrap it up, we've got to go"
actual sliding scale insulin order in ICU for diabetic patient written by upper-level (on 2 different patients):
if <60 and patient unresponsive, give 1 amp D 50
if <60 and patient responsive, give orange juice with one packet of sugar
if >420, give 12 units of insulin
Called about a diabetic patient with BG of 82. I instructed the nurse to give the patient some juice, and recheck in an hour. Was called an hour later, and told that the repeat BG was 81 after patient was actually given 2 juices. Went to see patient, who said that she had indeed drank the two Crystal Lights the nurse had brought her. 